It’s getting to that time of year where everything is coming to an end. First year of uni is almost over for me, the holidays are quickly approaching and it’s always this time of year where I seem to find myself in a bit of a rut.
Exams are on the horizon, which is a very scary and very stressful thing. And it’s the time of deadlines and late nights revising which just kind of gets you bogged down anyway. But all of this just seems to be a way of life now.
The seasons are changing, and the weather is getting hotter. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love summer, but summer seems to bring my self-esteem down quite a lot.
I’ve noticed it in more recent years than I have in the past that I seem to get down quite a bit about my scars from various operations. Summer is a time when they are always on show and they’re always on my mind when planning an outfit.
In the winter you can get away with disguising them and hiding them under jumpers and roll necks, but in the summer when you’re wearing little low cut things and floaty tops, they always seem to be there.
It’s not that I don’t want people to see them, it’s just when they do I find people staring at them if they don’t know your history. Or in the past people have said cruel things about them, which hopefully wont happen now I’m not in high school but it still makes you a bit scared of having your scars on display.
Summer is also a time for crop tops and because of having my appendix out, my belly button still looks a little bit worse for wear even though it’s a year on from the op.
I also have three other scars situated around my belly button from the keyhole surgery which I must say, am a little bit self conscious about. Because it’s only a year, they’re still slightly raised and haven’t properly yet faded as much as they will hopefully do. But I’m kind of getting around this by wearing high waisted jeans, which sometimes leaves the scar on my belly button peeping out over the top.
Because of this, this summer I’m going to revamp my wardrobe a bit and force myself to be brave. I’m going to wear more girly things and try and not worry about what others might think or say about my scars.
It is a bit of a daunting thought but I’m going to set myself this challenge to try and overcome my fear of what other people might say to me. Because to be honest, they probably wont say anything at all. I just can’t help but feel scared and self conscious.
I do get down about them from time to time, and I just think this is one of those times.
If you also have scars, I think you should learn to love them. I’m not quite there yet, but without them I wouldn’t be here, so I wouldn’t really want it any other way.