Category Archives: Challenge

CHD | Growing up scarred

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There is not a time that I can’t remember having a raised, silver line running down the center of my chest. It’s as though I was born with it. It is as much as a part of me as my arms and legs are.

Throughout my time I have acquired quite the collection of scars. The majority of them are from having open heart surgery. I have a scar running right down the middle of my chest. Then another starting on my boob, trailing under my right arm and almost reaching my spine. Along with these I have smaller scars scattered across my chest where the doctors inserted drains after my operation. They’re not the prettiest of things, but I do recall my mum telling me it was where I was ‘Kissed better’ in order to make my younger self accept them more.

Whilst growing up I managed to gather all of the childhood scars. From gashes in my knee from falling over in the playground. Scratches on my arms from my pet guinea pigs and scars along my forehead that happened when I ran into a birdbath and had to have my head stitched back together – along with numerous other ones that don’t have stories to them or are from the dreaded chicken pox.

To add to the assortment, two years ago I had my appendix removed which again, decorated my body with another four silver lines around my stomach. If you joined them up like a dot to dot game, they’d create the perfect kite shape.

I think you can agree that I have my fair share of battle wounds.

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My scars didn’t really bother me until I started to hit the puberty age. I’d say I began to notice I was different than everyone else at around the age of ten. I remember being in Primary school and people would ask me what it was, why I had them, what they meant… They made their own assumptions and told me what they thought my scars looked like. One comment that has stuck with me for all this time is when someone compared them to the likes of bird muck. It was a great simile, especially for someone so young, but it was such a great simile that it hurt so much and is something that I’ve never forgotten.

Then came high school.  This is when it really struck that I had scars and the majority of other people didn’t. I used to hate getting changed for PE. Partly because of the fact I’d have footballs thrown at my head and snide comments thrown in my direction (yeah, I was the nerd at the butt of everyone’s jokes), but having to get into my kit meant having to reveal my scars. And this terrified me.

Again I’d have curious comments asking why I have them. But no one was too brutal. I have no idea why, but I just felt so self conscious and different, which drove me to hating my scars (something I’ll never forgive myself for).

I remember times where I would get so upset and cry about the way I looked. I’d use make up to try and cover them up… but because the top part of my scar healed quickly, it has left it bumpy and raised, which meant makeup only drew more attention to them.

There were days I felt so low that I would consider having plastic surgery to make them smaller.

Social events such as prom were on the horizon and honestly, choosing the dress and trying to be happy with the way I looked felt like torture. It wasn’t just the way my scars looked, but if you have a scar you will know how strange it is to touch them. It is numb and weird and I just really hate the way it feels. So to have someone prodding around with pins and fitting my dress was not the most pleasant experience.

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Prom is supposed to be the time when you dance with your high school  sweetheart and forget all of your worries. But I never had a high school sweetheart and prom made we question whether I could ever be loved when my body is covered in scars. It made me sad and feel extremely unattractive.

When going to college I swore that I wouldn’t let me scars get me down, but oh how I broke this promise to myself. Everything was fine until I was asked out by some boy – of which I declined – and his best friend decided to use my operation against me. He called me ‘heartless’ and named my scar a ‘demon wound’. I get that he was standing up for his friend, but I feel as though I’d be more heartless leading him on than going on a date with him. All this is behind us, and the guy who asked me out is probably one of my closest friends right now and has been in a relationship with another girl for almost two years. I don’t talk to the other guy though, there comes a time in your life when you realise what kind of people you should surround yourself with, and someone who called my scar a ‘demon wound’ is not one of them.

I still get down about my scars from time to time, even last night I didn’t wear this top because it showed off too much of one. I guess I’ll always have good days and bad days with them, that is only natural, but I am learning to love my scars more and more. They are what have kept me alive and so are the greatest gift I have ever received. I doubt I would be the person I am today without them, they have made me stronger and braver than ever. My scars are what makes me, me, and even though it has taken time, I’m starting to see how beautiful they really are.

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Hairdo | Review

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I have evolved!

I have been wanting this with my hair for around three or so years now and have never been brave enough to do it. I have no idea where from, but I found some courage in the new year and booked in at the hairdressers for a colour. Yes, I do not trust myself to dye my own hair ^_^ I think I would have ended up with an orange face!

I have never had my hair coloured properly before. Once I had blonde streaks put in, but I was around 12 years old and it was very natural looking so there wasn’t too much to worry about. Then a few years later I went black, or dark brown, when I hit that ’emo’ stage. I think everyone sees this stage in their rebellious, early teenage years. It lasted a couple of months and I quickly grew out of it.

Since then, all of my dyed hair had grown out and so I decided to go for this orangy-red ombre look.

Now I know what a lot of you are thinking… this is nothing to do with the death of David Bowie. However three years ago, I was still obsessed and wanted to dye my hair orange because of him. I looked online for more subtle hairdos to reflect that of Ziggy Stardust and Aladdin Sane and found this groovy style. I fell in love and from then onward had wanted to dye it. Even though I booked this before Monday, I feel like it holds even more meaning right now.

I absolutely adore my new hair colour and think it looks sooo good. I now have no idea why I was scared of having it done. I still feel funny looking in the mirror like “That’s not me!” hahaha! I’m going to have to get used to this new version of myself. But I love it and I feel more myself than I have for a long time.

I think everyone at some point of their life must adapt and evolve in someway. Trying new things is healthy and exciting, so why not play around with the appearance of your hair?

My only regret about dying it, is that I didn’t do this sooner!

Please let me know what you think of this new look – and honestly if you want to dye yours too… just do it! Life is too short not to take risks.

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Blogmas: Christmas Day | My 2015 Highlights

This is it! Another year gone and what an ace year it has been. I can’t believe it is over already, time seems to be whizzing by almost too quickly. I thought I would put together a list of my highlights of this year.

1. Seeing meteorites in Scotland and tracing the steps of Ghost Adventures

2. Interviewing Lights and being published in the Louder Than War music magazine 

3. My visits back home

4. Becoming really close friends with some amazing people

5. Having my first Caravan holiday

6. My sister weekends

This year has definitely been a rollercoaster of emotions and quite challenging nearer the end, but what has happened has made me stronger and has made me believe in myself a lot more. I have realised to stop caring too much about what people think of me and to do things that make me happy. From this, I have been less scared to venture out of my comfort zone and have made some amazing friends in doing so. I’ve also come to see the people who actually care for me, and as eye opening as that was, in some ways it has released me and I couldn’t be more happy for it.

I have learned to love life, live every day as though it could be my last and to do things that make me happy. Honestly, don’t surround yourself with people that get you down. Go out and make new friends, as scary as that might seem, for me it has been the best thing that has come from the past few months.

This year has taught me how lucky I am and to always count my blessings.

Thank you all for reading my blog, following me and supporting me throughout 2015. It means the world.

I hope you all have an amazing Christmas and I will soon be back in the New Year.

Until then… Eat, drink and be merry!

xxx

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Blogmas: Christmas Eve | OOTD

Hellooo Everyone!

It is Christmas Eve… I can’t believe Christmas has come round so fast, but I’m super excited and thought I would share with you what I’m wearing to our family get together today.

It’s all very much river island. My dress is from there (but I got it quite a few years ago, so I don’t know if they still have it!) and so are my socks!

I love adding some socks to an outfit, I think they look cosy and wintery…

My shirt is from Urban Outfitters. I put it on my wishliast last year for Christmas and Santa saw it and made sure I got it on! Maggiiiiic.

And of course my Elephant necklace…

Only one more post to go and then Blogmas is over! It has been extremely fun, I hope you have enjoyed it just as much as me!

Have a lovely Christmas Eve x

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Blogmas: Day twenty-three | Festive sweets and treats

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Christmas is the time for eating lots of goodies. It is the season of breaking all of the rules, so I thought I would tell you of all of my favourite sweets and treats to eat at this time of the year.

Crisps are always good for a party. My favourites are Doritos and Pringles. There’s something about them that is so yummy, once you start eating them you cannot stop! My Grandad loves the seasalted kettle chips so we always make sure we get some of those in for him.

I never have After Eights except at Christmas. They are so good on Christmas Eve, but so moreish! If I was on my own I could probably go through a whole packet of these, but I must restrain myself.

Chocolate is always good, but you can’t beat some Haribos! They are super tastey, my all time favs are the gummy bears, totally addictive.

And then there are Liquorice Allsorts. I don’t know why but whenever we have a get together or a party, these are always on our table and so for me they’re the ultimate party sweets.

It has been such a nice day. We’ve been getting ready for hosting a family get together tomorrow for Christmas Eve (I can’t believe it is only two more sleeps until Christmas!) I have seen my uncle, and my sister came home from uni!!! She’s not here for long, so I’m going to be her shadow for the next few days, mwuahaha… She’ll be sick of me by the time these three days are over! It’s so good to have her home, and we can finally snuggle up and watch some Mika together! Wahooo.

x

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Blogmas: Day twenty-two | Christmas nail polish

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I very rarely paint my nails, I have no idea why… I just don’t pay that much attention to my hands. I think it could be a little bit OCD too as I hate it when they chip, but don’t have the energy/time/motivation to keep on top of them. So they always end up looking a mess. On top of this I have contact lenses and so can never grow my nails too long as it freaks me out a little bit to have long nails so close to my eyes!

However, at this time of the year I do make the effort. I think painting your nails is a fun and funky way to add to your outfit.

Today, being quite festive, I decided to paint my nails Green and Red! What better colours to paint your nails at this time of year? I decided to paint all of my nails red except the one next to my pinky – which I painted green. I love this look. It’s something that little bit different, adds a little bit more dimension to your nails, however is just as easy as painting them all one colour.

To do this I used my red Revlon nail polish (this I have had for years and still hasn’t gone gloopy – I’m impressed!) And for the green colour was in the make China Glaze. This is a little bit more up market and seems to last quite a long time without chipping – which is perfect for me. I just think the shades go really well together and are very Christmasy!

Each polish has a little bit of a glittery effect to them too which is really cute and makes them that little bit more fancy for Christmas time.

Let me know what you think of my nails and if you have painted yours for Christmas too.

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Blogmas: Day twenty-one | Christmas Makeup Tutorial

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Hellooo everyone! Party season has arrived and I thought that I would post up a quick and easy makeup tutorial for you to follow.

Step 1 and 2

Start with a completely clean fresh face. I used Clinique’s rinse off foaming cleanser mousse which completely strips your face of all oils, dirt and makeup. It is amazing, I wouldn’t know what to do without it! Then apply moisturiser if you have dry skin. I didn’t do this as I mousturise at night and then my foundation is quite oily and so in the mornings it is my moisturiser substitute.

Once you have prepped your face, apply your foundation and concealer. I have no idea which way round these are supposed to go, so if you know the proper way of doing this please let me know! However, I tend to put on my foundation first and then concealer on top. Here I used Clinique’s even better makeup SPF 15 evens and corrects foundation in the colour 04 Cream Chamois, and Clinique’s airbrush concealer in the shade 04 Natural Fair.

Step 3 and 4

I don’t contour that much but I do apply a little bit of bronzer where the sun would naturally shine on my face. I brush it onto my cheekbones, my jaw line and the side of my nose – if you don’t have a fringe you can put it on the sides of your forehead just below your hair line. This just adds a little bit of dimension to your face and gives it a natural glow. I use No7’s Perfectly Bronzed Dual Bronzer. As it is dual, there is a highlighter in the pack too which I use down the center of my nose (and my T zone… it also sets my foundation quite well too), my cheeks and my chin. I then apply Natural Collection’s Rosey Glow blushed cheeks blusher. This is my skin done! Now onto the eyes…

I think for a Christmas look, the eyes need to be quite natural with the eyeshadow, but a lot of emphasis with the eyeliner. Here I used a light brown on my lid and then a darker brown in the crease, just like contouring this is to give my eye some more dimension. Underneath my eye I applied a thin line of light blue eyeshadow. The camera doesn’t pick it up too well but I think it really goes well with brown shades and really brings out my eyes.

Step 5 and 6

I quickly coloured in my eyebrows with Gosh’s long lasting eyebrow pen in the colour 001 Dark Brown and then went onto applying eyeliner to my eyes. On the top lid, I went for a thin line in the corner of my eye and then made it go wider the further it went out. I drew on my wings quite small for a softer look, however if you want more of an intense eye the make your wing flick out bigger. The eyeliner I used was Seventeen’s Lacquer Liner wet look finish in black. I then used Natural Collection’s pencil Eye Lines black eyeliner for my waterline. I went right into the corner of my eyes in order to really frame them. After this I used my Soap and Glory thick and fast mascara in black.

Then I finished with what I think is the piece of resistance of the look. Bright red lips. I used Maybelline’s Pleasure me Red lip liner and filled in the rest of my lips with their Pleasure me Red (547) lipstick.

I really like this look, especially around Christmas. I think the red lipstick makes it warm and gives it a festive feel.

Please let me know what you think of this turorial and if you’d like to see other posts like this on my blog! If you recreate the look please let me know in the comments below. x

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